It was May 2014, sitting at my work desk and having cravings for certain foods, particularly pickled limes ( if you are from the Idian subcontinent region you know exactly what that means). It was a mouth watering moment and I couldn’t wait to get home to have some. As I was leaving I had a conversation with one of my colleagues who was a Phlebotomist and offered to do a pregnancy test. As the results were emerging on the dipstick, feelings of mixed emotions flooded my mind. However, one thing was for sure that deep down I wasn’t ready to be pregnant, and to my shock the results came out positive. Tears started to flow down. They weren’t happy tears as people are expected to shed upon such occasion. I was confused and terrified as there was no going back.
Pondering over this incident has made me realise how true is the Ayat of the Qur’an :
وَاللَّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِينَ
And Allah is the Best of the planners.
[Surah Al-Anfal, Verse 30]
I really wish at that time I had these positive thoughts of Allah and to just accept Qadar or for someone to have been there to just remind me of Allah and His plans subhanAllah! Sometimes we are there to comfort others but fail to remind them of Allah in the process, for reminding them of Allah is true comfort.
When I came home the first thing I did was call my husband who was at work, how I wish I went down in Sajdah Shukr instead and then made the call. However, I was crying on the phone to my husband and told him I do not feel ready to be pregnant yet, his reply was Alhamdulillah I am happy, we should be happy, why are you crying?. My emotions were running wild. As time passed I was settling into my pregnancy but I cannot say I was ecstatic about having a baby.
The reason I am sharing this incident with you all is because I wanted to emphasise on one solution that I strongly feel could have helped me get through my pregnancy, labour and post labour swiftly (Labour story coming soon) no way am I saying it would have been easy but it would have put me in a mental, spiritual and physical contentment. That solution is being in a good state of Iman and connecting with Allah from the bottom of your heart.
الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
Those who believe and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.
[Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 28]
Being pregnant again after 3 years has given me time to ponder over the past and figure things out and pick myself up. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes during the period of my first pregnancy and post pregnancy. One lesson learnt is that pregnancy is a test, labour is a bigger test and post labour including raising that child is even bigger test.
To all my sisters who are already mothers or yet to be mothers, I ask Allah to keep us steadfast on the straight path and never to lose our connection with Him. Aameen
Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. [Surah Baqara, Verse 286]