Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy a bit of ranting at the start as I feel its needed. Honesty may help others, revealing how I truly felt and how I overcame and back to life may help mothers who are made to feel guilty for not being adaptable to motherhood as soon as they concieve and even sooner after birth.
Yes! labour is scary and traumatising and you’ll say to yourself I’m never having another baby, eventually you get over it and forget the hardship you went through.
No! everything doesn’t get rosy between you and your newborn afterwards, you will begin to wish you hadn’t complained during pregnancy. Now you can say goodbye to sleep and say hello to zombie face, with an almost broken back and you begin to think your back bone is melting away, eyes may fall off anytime and your neck too. Yep you guessed it I wasn’t the most patient of person in my early 20s (that’s making me sound so old 🤣), age really was just a number with a mentality of a teen, outwardly I may have portrayed myself as otherwise. Almost forgot to mention to top everything off you will be greeted with mum bashing aunties😑, this is in almost every culture you just have to learn to nod your head up and down or left and right and try not to take it to heart but it could have an effect on your mood and make you feel like a bad mother, so long as you have a handful of positive people around, you will get through it inshaAllah.
It was 3 days into my maternity leave from work when my water broke, trust me I had no idea what or how it was going to happen and don’t worry if you are pregnant for the first time, you will know when your water breaks inshaAllah.
I was admitted to hospital on the evening of Friday and gave birth Saturday morning, labour was just over 11 hours.😅 It really was a testing time for me, each time I had my contractions I would feel a little angry would think in mind to shout “why Ya Allah, why?” Thinking back at it now I am so thankful to Allah for protecting my tongue of uttering such unpleasant and regrettable words that do not befit Allah’s majesty and wisdom. You really are not yourself when you’re in labour! SubhanAllah. As soon as I had the baby my head was spinning and felt gassed and found things funny due to the pain relif I took ‘Gas and air’ to be precise. I rememeber laughing when they had to transfer me to the wards on a wheelchair, and my husband looked worried and I was thinking why is he not laughing lol. After things settled down and evening time approached, that meant my husband had to leave I rememeber trying look all well so I could be discharged and run home. My goodness I hate hospitals and appointments, unfortunayely they had to keep me in over night due to losing too much blood. I also tried to make my husband hide behind the curtains so he could stay with me. I felt very emotional that he couldn’t stay with me. Anyway I was alone the night with very little sleep and feeding most of the time, a midwife out of kindness offered to keep the baby for a while for me to get some sleep, that shook me and I froze and replied politely “it is ok I am fine” and I wasn’t fine I was desperate to sleep. I thought to myself no way am I letting my baby leave my sight.
Fast forward to next day and due to be discharged we were elated to just get out of the hospital, being in a hospital could make me become depressed lol. The first week was a nightmare subhanAllah baby cried all night, I cried with the baby too and all 3 of us were up most of the night and we were in and out of hospital due to the weight of baby. Nonetheless Alhamdulillah we got through it with the help of Allah, my husband and family. It didn’t get any easier after that, challenges were kept being thrown on to my plate, I had patience over some of the challenges and would over react at others.
Now after 3 and a half years I absoluey love and adore my little girl. Motherhood is challenging, emotional and special, most of all it is important to realise our children are an Amana (trust) from Allah.
Surah Luqman, Verse 14:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.
Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli haal. And surely after every hardship comes ease.
Surah Al-Inshirah, Verse 5 -6:
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
Moral of my story is that whatever you go through during pregnancy and few years into motherhood you will get through it inshaAllah, just try and be optimistic and realise everything is in Allah’s hands, therefore all connections with Allah must be strong to feel ease in your mind, heart and soul. Trust me it helps a lot subhanAllah. I don’t know what I would do without Allah and Islam in my life. Alhamdulillah thank you Ya Rabb.
Stay tuned to find out how I picked myself up and came back to my senses post birth inshaAllah.
May Allah grant us patience, happiness, steadfastness and allow us to raise righteous and pious children. Aameen